maybe i’m a little afraid to go back there

because i remember the pain.

maybe i wonder if its being alone that 

i’m scared of, these thoughts

have such a strong grasp on me.

maybe its the sense of urgency or the fast

approach to nothing

maybe its that im scared of what i’ll discover

maybe its that i’m a coward – sometimes and 

the nights are so long like, niiiiiights, with so

many i’s and its the part i cant escape

because i is what it always came down to,

i is who i’m afraid to be left alone in a room with.

is there anything i’m more afraid of, maybe its 

forgetting the past because now it’s so much a part

of me.

maybe it’s crying to sleep, at 28, when it’s getting late

and i forgot to shower because i’m 

not really worried about that.

maybe grandma’s right and you should forgive and 

she’s been alive longer so maybe she knows.

maybe i’ll be here longer than i think, and so i will feel alone.

or maybe i wont, maybe tomorrow i’ll go, 

and there will be nothing left,

not a tooth or a hair or a piece of bone marrow 

to show. 

maybe i’ll just vanish, like the sun sometimes does 

behind the clouds. 

One thought on “maybe

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