maybe i’m a little afraid to go back there
because i remember the pain.
maybe i wonder if its being alone that
i’m scared of, these thoughts
have such a strong grasp on me.
maybe its the sense of urgency or the fast
approach to nothing
maybe its that im scared of what i’ll discover
maybe its that i’m a coward – sometimes and
the nights are so long like, niiiiiights, with so
many i’s and its the part i cant escape
because i is what it always came down to,
i is who i’m afraid to be left alone in a room with.
is there anything i’m more afraid of, maybe its
forgetting the past because now it’s so much a part
maybe it’s crying to sleep, at 28, when it’s getting late
and i forgot to shower because i’m
not really worried about that.
maybe grandma’s right and you should forgive and
she’s been alive longer so maybe she knows.
maybe i’ll be here longer than i think, and so i will feel alone.
or maybe i wont, maybe tomorrow i’ll go,
and there will be nothing left,
not a tooth or a hair or a piece of bone marrow
maybe i’ll just vanish, like the sun sometimes does
behind the clouds.