Dear September

Dear September,

Thank you for granting me two beautiful days so far. After a brutal August where I experienced emotional lows, I feel balanced, renewed, ready to begin to pick up where I left off in the journey towards happyness. 

The recipe is very simple, and it only gets complicated a little bit when I try to do more and balance too much. But here it is, for reference. 

Happyness = read + swim + write

That’s the internal happyness criteria. How much of each depends entirely on me, but I like how I have allowed myself the fluidity to dance with each parameter. Some days I’ll read more. Some days I’ll have a lot to communicate through my writing. If I could swim every day, I would. So I’ll work to craft a life where that’s possible. 

How else will I be seeking to express myself in the next 28 days? Financially, I’d like to be more mindful of my spending. Today, I felt an urge to order food from Dairy Queen. A craving for sugar zapped my attention, and I felt I needed to act on that need. Thankfully, I didn’t. I saved my money, and I ate food that I had already purchased. So I had my first zero-spend day in a long time. A long string of those will lead me to the path away from negative-income months. 

Then there is the habit of tea. My first cup in the morning made me feel relaxed, at ease. The yogi green tea antioxidant with a touch of caffeine helped to keep me focused on the day’s tasks. 

This month I am committed to learning about statistics and readin a book on mental health issues. It’s called Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It’s allowing me to learn about the trauma that my parents may have endured in their life, but also about some of the emotional responses I’ve developed as a mirror of their behavior. Needless to say, this can be traumatic. But I am grateful for the opportunity to introspect and reflect so that I can maybe one day be more happy. A happy person. 

I’ve felt better being alone, and maybe changing to this new room was a good thing. I feel that it served as a reminder that no situation is changeless, and we should keep that in mind. A movie I watched this weekend had a very powerful message. Just float. A metaphor about swimming too! 

How I struggled so much to float when I swam. I feel I’ve never let myself fully trust the water. I love the water, I love being with it, but I realize it’s ultimate power over me and I am cautious still. Will I let myself go, trusting it to carry me?

Who knows… I am looking forward to you September. 

Ledimir

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