for dear life

Sometimes I get so hooked on a thing that I find it hard to disconnect and re-immerse myself back in reality. I could spend hours playing a videogame, lying in bed, neglecting my basic duties, my hygiene, my own mental pleas for a break. During the time when I have committed to taking a break, to resting, I often end up doing the opposite. Overflowing my mind with information, addiction hacking this system with videogames, software, internet, websites.

Meanwhile, the clothes pile up on the ground, the dishes pile up on the sink, the to-do list grows.

I need to buy body wash, shampoo.
I need to thoroughly clean my car on the inside.
I need to put the stickers on my hard-hat.
I need to wash my clothes, my uniform.
I need to clean and organize my room.
I need to clean my refrigerator’s insides.

This habit of self-neglect can be identified as the root of my discontent. I continually say that I would like to be in bed by 9 pm, but it is 11:30 pm here and I just decided to pause from my game.

However, I must say this. Today, I went to the gym and had a really good workout. I ran 10 km this week, and I did it all at a very reasonable, safe, beginning pace. I built a streak of 150 squats per day, and I finished reading a book this week. I have also made progress on my audiobook, Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins, and I have made multiple blog posts and journal entries in my personal notebook. I’ve been taking my vitamins every day, and for more than one day this week I brushed and flossed my teeth in the morning and evening before bed. Each morning I have made my bed.

It sometimes seems like I’m clinging on for dear life, but I have made progress. The rest of the journey will depend on how committed I am to avoiding self-neglect and taking care of my present responsibilities. The Nintendo Switch has been the biggest distraction, as I cannot seem to play it in moderation.

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