the question, why

The question, why, has always lived with me. It is like my shadow, but I have difficulty assessin whether this is a good thing. At times, having a questioning attitude casts as my greatest strength. In fact, a questioning attitude is just another way to express my curiosity. Why are things the way they are, and not otherwise? Other times, it is a weakness. Questioning becomes a fruitless impulse that leaves much to be desired. You know what your problem is? You want it to be one way, and not the other. Why are things not this way, and otherwise? This question tends to be an evaluation of fairness, or a condemning of the likelihood that these bad outcomes are the ones you’re stuck with. You are left setting up your dwelling site in a living hell.

Not asking questions leads to missed opportunities. And those questions that appear after the fact can be the most haunting. Why didn’t I very the instructions? Why didn’t I confirm that’s what she wanted? Why not this? Why not that?

I tend to welcome most questions at the time when I am least exposed to sensory experiences. Laying in bed, with earplugs on, and blinders, my mind wanders. But sometimes I get a wave of ideas while in the shower. Today, I called them Shower Thoughts: Abridged. I called it this because it was a short, quick shower. I thought how, if you want something to last longer, you have to keep it close to you. This ideas has appeared in many forms. Perhaps it is the root of attachment theory, and I think that I can be a pretty attached person. But who knows? Honestly, sometimes I can be indifferent too.

I ask why because I want to understand. But I don’t know why that is so important to me all of the time. Second-degree and third-degree why’s are the toughest questions to answers. But sometimes the solutions are incredibly simple. Whatever they are, wherever they lead, questions are my guiding star. I don’t follow because I must, I follow because I cannot not follow.

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