standards rise again

I have been struggling to identify with myself. I have been feeling trapped in my relationships with family, friends, and even in romance. This was so much the case that I would place undue blame on them, and in a toxic manner, I would make them feel like they were a problem. A dilemma exists – because I did communicate that I was at fault, and as I adopted the idea that people are who they are, I wanted to share that I could place no more blame on them. The problem, if we really had to identify one, was that I became very poor at setting boundaries with conviction.

Conviction requires the purest form of commitment, taking a non-negotiable stance. And me, I could be very diplomatic. So that’s how I allowed myself to skip a session at the gym, and that turned to one too many sessions. That’s how I allowed myself to go to bed without washing the dishes, and that became the new standard. Going to bed without brushing my teeth, even walking out of the apartment without brushing my teeth became an acceptable standard. And with no supervision, the standards that I have set for myself became character traits.

The slope is slippery when you allow yourself to descend into a lesser version of yourself. No one caused this, it was I who allowed it. Now I have to raise the bar each day. I have to be patient with the results, but I must go a little bit farther each time. I’ll continue raising the standards, cultivating consistency, and moving forward for positive change.

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