believe in you

I would like to believe in myself a little more than I presently do. The truth is, I am my harshest critic. I am the one that tells myself I shouldn’t aim high because failure would be too tough to bear. I am the one who is upset when someone ran faster than me, when I myself have just set a personal record. I don’t believe I am the one, and I struggle with accepting praise because I am not … worthy.

But the person I see in the mirror has actually tried. Imperfectly, he has made his efforts – despite a sometimes poor effort at focusing, I have made attempts to make connections, to synthesize learning and experience growth in my own manner.

Tomorrow is my final board for the Seabee Combat Warfare Specialist qualification. I need to believe that I will be successful, that when I sit down to write tomorrow, I have already been named a Seabee Combat Warfare Specialist. Tomorrow at 1600, less than 24 hours from this moment, I will have achieved the goal that I set to working on last July. There were really productive nights, classroom sessions, study sessions over food in other people’s homes, and study sessions all alone in my barrack’s room. As I reflect on all of the hours that went into the pursuit of this qualification, can I rightfully say that I don’t deserve it?

But I will do my best, and my best will be enough. Tomorrow I will walk into that classroom proudly, with my head and chest high, and I will recite the Sailor’s Creed. I will introduce myself, and I will deliver my brief. I will explain the intricacies of my camp layout and my defense set up. I will explain our communications plan, and our convoy plan. I will explain all manning, the chain of command, and the equipment that we will be using. I am far from an expert, but I am qualified to lead and execute in this mission. 

This is my small pep talk, because I need it. And now I will meditate so I can rest and begin tomorrow with a clear, unobstructed mind. 

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