arriving

I understand how lonely you must feel right now. You’re stuck between a rock and a hard place sometimes – being with someone because of the comfort they may provide, pouring yourself into some activity, delaying the time you must spend alone. But the time will come when even this writing won’t be enough, and you will have to answer to yourself. The questions will naturally arise, and most important, they will ask – why did it take you so long? Why? Like the you that’s been calling out for you has been watching you from inside of the glass panes of a diorama, as you stroll by, not unconscious, but choosing to ignore. As if you wore blinders. 

The inside of the diorama, because nothing is actually changing – the past is stone carved, and there is nothing you can do now. That is where your questions have made a home, but they are not waiting patiently, youthful how you may imagine. They too are aging, hardening, crustifying so that when you encounter them you will need a pick-axe to get at their core. 

A conversation with a therapist might help, but that once a month pace will not satisfy your timeline. A conversation with a friend may help, but depending on the friend you may maneuver in the right or wrong direction. And again, you will find yourself seeking the answers every where but inside – and inside is where they reside. 

One day, you’ll be there. You’ll have arrived. And then you will know. 

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