growing confidence

I wish I had natural confidence. I spent the afternoon reflecting on how I have missed so many opportunities due to my lack of confidence – and how I wish I could have believed in myself to endure the tough times. 

But it is hard to judge if whether past actions that I took were due to a lack of confidence or a result of my confidence. When I judge things from the past through this single lens, it becomes hard to assess where the truth lies.

The list of things I am afraid of doing because of lack of confidence is long, but here are a few.

– Asking a girl out in person. Or sometimes even talking to a girl that I like.

– Speaking in public.

– trying something new, and the subsequent discouragement that results from the inevitable failure.

– traveling to a new country/city alone.

Maybe if I put myself in a place to challenge these fears, I can overcome them – and why not now? What better time?

Maybe when I go to New Orleans, I’ll strike up a conversation with a pretty girl. I’ll show interest, and ask what book they are reading, what coffee they ordered, where they are from, and what brought them over.

I want to learn about myself and why I bought into the idea that I am not good enough for this. It’s completely false.

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