I am grateful for all of the opportunities I have been given, and while I may have not made the most of them – I have tried.
I try to give it more in the pool when I am swimming, but some days I am just tired. Too tired to touch and go, too heavy to nail the flip turn. I need a full night of rest, and maybe more. At the end of next month I will go on leave, it will be my first visit to Colorado. Who knows, maybe I will stay there – or maybe I will stay here in Gulfport.
Gulfport has become a home for me. I ride my bike here, I swim here, and I explore here. I know there are more beautiful traiils out there, and so much more of the world to see – but for right now, I am right where I need to be.
Sometimes people think too deeply about where they need to be, or they grow concerned about where they at. In those cases, complaining about your circumstances only makes them worse. But I also feel that what truly makes your situation tragic is the support and validation of your friends and peers, the ones who convince you that your circumstances are unfair. Because we rely so much on the validation of those around us. So our validation can make us, but it can also break us. If I say I am struggling, and you agree, I am convinced that I am right. But how do we differentiate struggling to perform from struggling to learn.
These are only my first reps, my first reps in life, in the pool, on this blog. The only true goal is consistency – so I am back at it. I will type out these tired words, and say what I have to say while I have the chance to. Maybe one day I will have better things to say.