And why am I awake? If tomorrow is where promises await,  why can I not wait?  Impatience grabs me by the throat, firm gripped like a baseball bat,  I couldn’t even tell you where I am at. Because in all seriousness, I feel I’m lost. I feel I’ve wanted to move past this pregnant pause … Continue reading 3:40

how to wait

The air is calm and the night arrives, A Summer hour rolls into the next, it is quiet, warm,  but you might hug yourself from time to time, and the stars hang above. The whole sky above you, it seems that way, from this perspective,  but we are floating, in a vast expanse,  The closest … Continue reading how to wait

dissociating Ledimir

The man I am, his name is Ledimir. Ledimir didn’t want to ride bike today. After back-to-back days of 50+ miles, he was exhausted. His legs were shaking, his mind grew comfortable in rest. But he set out to ride 5 miles. He has been searching for consistency, to find the strength in himself to … Continue reading dissociating Ledimir

talk to me about fear.

There is no mistake, and let there be no confusion, I can do anything I desire in this world.  The doubt that has existed in my mind has many origins, and there is so much sincerity in my efforts to handle these doubts in the humblest manner possible, showing care and concern for the feelings … Continue reading talk to me about fear.

remembering ash.

I remember afternoons with Ashley. In her home, I felt at home. The hours would pass as I lay spread across the carpeted floor, studying the books on her shelf. There was no more calming feeling, and I felt truly loved. Not just by her, but by her mom, her sister, her Dad.  For reasons … Continue reading remembering ash.

a new day

Marking a new day today, one to smile, feel clean and happy as I move about.  The plan, coffee at the favorite place, studying for the advancement exam, being kind to myself.  The black mirror consumes me, so I must shut it off, embrace solitude, loneliness, await it as it comes. It will undoubtedly arrive, … Continue reading a new day

another day

The sun was high when I began my evening run. In the unbearable heat, I slowed down to a walk. Better to do this than to pass out on the pavement. At 3.5 miles, it became a wiser decision to stop the run, cool off in the gym, shooting some hoops.  My wrist still aches … Continue reading another day


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