close your eyes

Close your eyes, again. Time moves slow if you give yourself space. You allow yourself to explore different avenues, and you keep an open mind. 

In the morning, the alarm snatches you from the dream state you inhabit. A place where you speak in the tongue of snakes and black crows, elephants, and rabbits. The trees sway, dancing in unison, to the tune of the wind. A water ripple extends, sending waves that expand to the outer. 

Close your eyes, again. Time moves slow if you give yourself space. You allow yourself to explore different avenues, and you keep an open mind. 

In the afternoon, the sun baptizes you with the warmth of its rays. You see the unseen, the haze of illusion as you travel the streets. The heat dances up and down, curving the roads, blurring the vision. The water turns to vapor, bubbling first, then vanishing. The seas dry, the leaves wither, the trees spark and fire erupts. What’s left is a torched mess, an abyss.

Close your eyes, again. Time moves slow if you give yourself space. You allow yourself to explore different avenues, and you keep an open mind. 

In the night, your eyes tire again, leaving their strength, emptying their resolve of the day. The pupils dilate, and the mind’s game begins. Inside this vast expanse, spirits and demons dance. The past reappears in fragments, and the future camouflages and deceives. The stars above shine, and you see what they once were, relativity. The water soaks and glimmers under the moonlit sky. Who is the man who paints the moon at night? Where has he gone? Who will turn off the lights?

Close your eyes, again. Close your eyes, again. Time moves slow if you give yourself space. You allow yourself to explore different avenues, and you keep an open mind. 

parliament

We dreamed that we’d make it to
parliament on an early Monday.
Instead, we barely made it
to the corner of the street.

We passed our neighbors,
who watered their lawns,
and looked onto us
with the hope of go forth.

Go forth, youth,
and conquer them all.
Hold, in this jar,
my dreams, and ambitions,

because if they remain in this body
they surely will perish. These dreams
are hot potatoes, fried by the French.
Passed on. Or like musical chairs,

the game that taught scarcity
to kids who had too many chairs
to spare and music

that wouldn’t just play.

They’d pause it, and we’d rush to our seats.
And one and another
would fight for what’s theirs.
Then one would take seat,
the other one, beat,
would join in the crowd of have-nots.

Have nots, have you forgot?
A lesson as old as time.
That if you’re too slow,
to stop on a dime, then music will start
and you’ll be left behind.

Parliament doesn’t want,
those who can’t move to the rhythm
anticipate stops,
and ruthlessly,
harsh, I mean,
viciously,
wrathfully,
shove their way to the top.

So, sit and observe,
as Democracy erred,
we voted to somehow avoid the preferred,
but they voted amongst themselves, right?

They said who had rights,
we’d put up a fight,
they’d make us go vote
at the end of the night.

Well, we’re tired, you see.
Tired, you see. Tired,
and sleepy, to tired to be
there at the ballots voting to be free

Ah, but this story is about the cats,
who look out the window, at the world on tv.

basketball and what ifs

I am alone in my room tonight, and I am thinking to myself. I am thinking about Star Trek, because I want to watch another episode. I also feel very tired from playing basketball at the gym. 

I never knew how to not be competitive, and even if it meant that I could barely walk afterwards I would play my hardest to win a basketball game. My obsession with winning came before my desire to have fun, to enjoy myself on the basketball court. 

It is an interesting thought experiment to wonder about if I did play organized basketball. It was my favorite sport as a child, but my mother was raising my sister and I on her own and I never really got the chance to pursue this dream to play basketball. I am not upset because I learned how to swim and I became an athlete in that way. 

What I would have loved to see is my competitive spirit flourish on the basketball court. I actually did get a chance to try out for the basketball team, but I didn’t think I would make the team and I never went back. Why was I so afraid to even try? Even back then I felt unworthy. 

I am doing a lot of calendar planning now. Beginning with this week, I tried to log my time as accurately as possible to reflect what I was actually doing with my free time, and my time in general. I spend a lot of time going to and from the gym, and I also spend a lot of time doing laundry. If I limiit myself to just swimming on 3 days of the week, and Swimming and lifting on 3 other days. Then I think I can get a lot accomplished. 

I’ll keep tweaking my schedule to find something that works for me.